Maximum Ride Meets Purple Tractors Rewrite
by ThunderClouds7
Summary: How to describe this story...characters from the authoress's story find themselves in Max's world. They're trying to track down the nefarious Darrel T. Mutantchicken before he destroys the world. The Flock's house burned down so, for lack of anything better to do, they decide to help. Unicorns, zombies, lawn gnomes, magic, and a random authoress. Don't ask. A rewrite.
1. Vote Angel for Leader!

**Enia: So, ****Maximum Ride Meets Purple Tractors**** was my first fanfiction EVAH! Way back in 7****th**** grade (I'm in tenth grade now). Literally ten minutes before I sat down to write this, I decided that I wanted to so I could see how much my writing has changed in three years. And for shits and giggles. Also because I totally don't have enough projects going right now.**

**Samik (Enia's best friend): Cough, yes she does.**

**Enia: Shut up. ****Purple Tractors**** (also known as ****Purple Tractor Driving Talking Chickens from Outer Space who Ride Motorcycles****) is an original work of my. I recently self-published it through Lulu! Yay me! If you want to read it, PM me, and I'll send you a link to where you can find it on Noveljoy. **

**I might add some bits in, new characters that hadn't been invented back then, and I want to fix the major case of Writer's Block I came down with at the end of the story. I was also planning on waiting until I had the entire thing rewritten before publishing it, but…now I don't feel like it. I have three chapters done. That's good enough. And that's about all I have to say right now, so please enjoy ****Maximum Ride Meets Purple Tractors****…or ****the Rainbow Colored Nonsensical Goopy Seepage that comes from Enia's Brain. **

**You have been warned.**

Maximum Ride Meets Purple Tractors

**Samik: Wait, wait, wait! Disclaimer! Enia Silverson does not own Maximum Ride. James Patterson does. Thank you!**

Chapter One

Vote Angel for Leader!

Angel's POV

I glared furiously at Max, arms crossed and legs spread apart. "Yes."

Max sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, exasperated. "Angel, I already said no."

"Yes," I repeated, pushing the thought towards Max's brain. But my attack met an iron shield, hard and impenetrable. I gritted my teeth in frustration; Max and I had lived together for so long, and Max was already so strong. She had grown practically immune to my mind tricks.

Max felt me in her mind. She glowered at me angrily. "Stop trying to influence me, Angel! You know its not going to work, and that I hit it when you try."

I ignored her and pushed harder, probing for weakness. But there were none to be found.

"Damnit, Angel! I said no!"

There was a loud thump on the door. I felt the familiar sightless thoughts of Iggy outside in the hallway. He was sleep-deprived and trying to figure out what was going on. He'd missed the door and ran smack dab into the wall. Max glanced over and started moving towards to it help Iggy inside. That was all the distraction I needed. I shoved my thought at her mind as hard as I could, my eyes scrunching with concentration. Max froze, face twitching and shoulders shaking as she fought to ignore me. "ANGEL!" she finally yelled, disturbing my concentration. My attack fell apart like a soggy cake. The ceiling shook from the force of Max's shout, and upstairs there was a series of loud thuds. The rest of the flock had been shaken from their beds.

Iggy finally managed to find the knob and shove the door open. "What the hell is going on in here?!"

"Angel is trying to…convince me that she should be the leader," Max answered through tight lips.

Iggy nodded thoughtfully. "I take it that by convince, you mean influence your mind?"

Max groaned, pinching her nose again. "Yeah."

Iggy turned to give me a serious adult look, but he ended up glaring at a spot about three feet about my left shoulder. He folded his arms across his chest, trying to look all-knowing, but his mussed-up hair sort of ruined the effect.

I pouted a bit, trying to turn on my childish charm. "But I wanna be leader." At the same time, I pushed the thought towards Iggy's mind, knowing its shield wouldn't be as strong as Max's. Iggy was easily distracted, and that made him an easy target.

His face went blank, and I pushed harder. I could feel my pulse pounding in my temple. I felt my though slip through the barrier. Iggy turned to Max. "I think Angel should be the leader, Max," he said, voice a monotone.

Max glared at him even though the look was lost. Then she switched it to me. "No."

Nudge, Gazzy, and Fang entered the kitchen. They all still held sleep in their faces. "What's going on?" Nudge wondered, her words whizzing out of her mouth. "Why is Max yelling? Did she make the ceiling shake? That's so cool! How'd she do it?"

Max held up her hand in exasperation. "Nudge."

"Right, sorry. I'll be quiet now."

"I'm trying to convince Max that I should be leader," I said before Max could get her opinion in, shoving the thought into their minds. Fang's mind automatically rejected the thought, locking down and shutting me out. I gave up on him as he glared at me. But the idea stayed wheedled in Nudge and the Gasman's minds.

"I agree with Angel," Iggy put in, nodding knowingly. "She could get us whatever we want with her awesome mind control powers, convince fish to become suicidal. We would never be hungry again! And–"

"ZOMG!" Nudge interrupted eagerly. She was bouncing up and down in place. "That would be like, so spiffendicular! She could get us awesome shoes, 'cause I majorly need new shoes! Mine are, like, sooo last year! And everyone loves new shoes! Then she could get us into fancy restaurants for free 'cause everyone would think we had already paid, and we would never have to dumpster-dive again! It's so gross! And we'd never, ever have to steal again either!"

But the time Nudge had finished her little rant, Max was practically shooting daggers out of her eyeballs, and I was grinning like the evil little six-year-old maniac Max thought I was. I turned to her, victorious. "Well, Max, it looks like you've been out-voted."

"This isn't a democracy!" she shouted. "This is a Maxocracy!"

Nudge, Gazzy, and I turned to scowl at her as Fang moved to stand beside her. They folded their arms simultaneously. "You. Are. Out-voted," I snarled, shoving the 'Angel for Leader' line at her again. Her teeth gritted. I pushed harder, refusing to give up, and suggested to Gazzy and Iggy that they should go blow something up. I figured it would distract Max enough that I would be able to break through. They eagerly agreed and zipped out of the house.

Five seconds later the entire house – and possible the mountain it was sitting on – shook so violently it nearly threw us all off our feet.

Max stumbled and ran into the wall, and I shoved even harder, finally breaking through. Her eyes glazed over. "Angel is leader," she mumbled as the tremors stopped.

Gazzy and Iggy bounded back into the house, grinning widely. "Yeah! That was awesome!" the Gasman crowed. He and Iggy high-fived.

"So?" Iggy asked eagerly. "Did it work? Did Max agree?"

"Yep," I answered, sounding proud. "She gave me the okay." I spread my arms wide. "I am now leader."

Everyone but Fang cheered as Max finally snapped out of her daze. "Wait, what just happened?"

"You just made Angel leader," Fang leaned over and told her.

Max glared at me, sighing. "No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did," I told her happily, just like a little kid who had just gotten the best birthday present ever (and a princess cake).

"No, I didn't," she said stubbornly.

"Yup, I did," I argued.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

Before Max could snap back another 'No' Fang stepped in, tired of the arguing. "Actually, you did. Gazzy and Iggy blew something up to distract you and it worked. It was a low trick."

"Well, I take back whatever it was I said! It was real; I was under the influence!"

Gazzy gasped. "Max! Have you been drinking?!"

"Shut up, Gazzy! You're not helping! I'm still leader!"

"You can't do that," I pouted.

Max opened her mouth to reply, but before the words could come out of her mouth, another explosion rocked the mountain. Everyone turned and looked at Gazzy and Iggy, but they just shook their heads.

**Enia: So, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. If you want to, you should go check out the original. I'll see you all later!**


	2. Who the Hell are You?

**Enia: Hey all, I'm back! (What, did you think it would be that easy to get rid of me?) I hope you've enjoyed the ride so far, and I hope you've gotten a chance to read the original. So, in this chapter I'll finally introduce the Purple Tractors characters. I rather love them, and I hope you do too. I'd also like to mention that this fic takes place after Max.**

**Samik: So please enjoy the chapter!**

**Enia: Hey, that's my line!**

Who the Hell are You?

Max's POV

"Oi! Get away from me!"

"Stop it!"

"Come back here!"

"Son of a bitch!"

"DIE!"

The angry shouts come from outside the house. Automatically, everyone looked over at Iggy and the Gasman, thinking that they had rigged some kind of time-delay bomb. Gazzy shrugged. Iggy didn't see us look, but he felt the explosion and a confused look creased his face.

Angel stepped forward purposefully, hands on her hips. She would have looked commanding if she hadn't been, you know, only four feet tall with curly blonde ringlets and a child's face. "Alright, Flock," she said, looking around at each of us. "Let's go see what's going on."

I glared at her. This was getting old. I loved Angel to death, but sometimes she was a pain in the ass. Fang saw my temper beginning to boil over, and he stepped forward to lay a hand on my arm. "Let it go for now," he whispered in my ear. "We can worry about this later, and it can't last long anyways. We've got something more pressing going on right now; those could be Erasers, or Flyboys, or those M-geek-dumbot things."

I shook my head. "We know that can't be Erasers or Flyboys; they've all been destroyed, and we haven't seen the M-geeks in months."

"Alright," Angel said, stepping forward and clapping her hands to gain everyone's attention. She totally ignored Fang and me. "We're gonna go survey the scene from the roof."

I raised my hand, only a little condescending. "Why don't we just look out the window?"

For the hundredth time that day, Angel scowled at me. "Because I'm the leader and I say so. Besides, looking from the roof is more secret agent-y."

Seriously? That was her reason? Angel being leader was not going to end well, but I was hoping it wouldn't last long.

More shouts from outside interrupted us. "Ow! Get off my leg, fool!"

"What did you call me?"

The yelling dissolved into almost unintelligible insults. "Come on, Fang," I said. "Let's go see what's going on." And I walked out the door, ignoring Angel's protests.

The yard was in chaos. Three humans and what appeared to be a human-sized chicken were fighting to the death. The tallest human, a young man with brown, gold-flecked hair, was flying over the battle on what looked like a surfboard made of fire. He was cackling evilly, the wind whipping his hair about his face, and was chucking fire balls at the chicken. A red-haired girl was fighting the living poultry hand to hand, using something blue that moved and swayed gracefully; water? Whatever it was, it hurt, and the white-feathered chicken was growling angrily and yelling with pain. The final human had shaggy purple hair and wore all black. He stood back from the fight but repeatedly flung purple globs of something at the chicken's head.

Okay…um…_what?_

I stared at Fang, confused. He was watching the crazy scene with raised eyebrows. "Okay, who are they, and what's going on?" I wondered.

He shrugged, at a loss for words. "Dunno. Wanna ask?"

Good an idea as any, I figured. "Okay."

We started to run forward just as the rest of the flock dove off the roof of our house to dive-bomb the strangers, wings wide open. The boy on the fire board noticed us first. It disappeared from under him as his mouth opened, and he dropped to the ground, landing hard on his butt. It didn't seem to faze him. "Woah! Cool! Flying humans!"

The other strangers glanced over at us just as I bowled into the chicken, knocking him over. He yelled with anger and surprise, battering at me with his wings. His feathers were actually really soft, not at all like I would have expected. We hit the ground with a thump, and I immediately jumped off him, my own wings working powerfully to carry me out of range.

Out of the action for the moment, I glanced around to check on the rest of the flock. Angel was on the ground trying to control Mr. Fire (as I decided to call him because brown-haired male was really annoying), but it didn't seem to be working. He wasn't even looking at her. Nudge was circling the female who was watching her warily, a long water whip dangling from one hand. Gazzy and Iggy were busy attacking Mr. Purple. The stranger was pulling some sweet ninja moves to avoid them. I was almost jealous. Fang was holding the glaring chicken on the ground with one foot planted on the animal's chest. This could _not_ get any weirder.

"Guys!" I yelled. My voice was easily heard over the chaos. "Lay off; let's figure out who these guys are."

Everyone disengaged and circled around to join me. Together, we dropped to the ground and folded our wings behind our backs. The three humans clumped together and stared at us with interest while the chicken kept himself apart, glaring at everyone.

"Who are you?" I ask, not really directing my question at anyone in particular.

"Weeeeell, I'm Teemo," Mr. Fire said brightly, charmingly. He never seemed to stand completely still, always fidgeting or sweeping hair away from his face. He pointed at his friends. "That's Arin, and the other one is Fred."

"Hey." Mr. Purple nodded at us. I nodded back uncertainly.

"And the chicken is Darrel T. Mutantchicken. He's our arch nemisisisis," Teemo (I liked Mr. Fire better) finished. Beside me, Gazzy smirked.

"I am perfectly capable of introducing myself, Silverson," the chicken snarled. Woah, he could talk.

Mr. Fire – Teemo – stuck his tongue out at the chicken. I got the sense they were always like this when they were together. "Yeah, whatever."

"So what are you guys?" the female asked us curiously. "Are you elves, or faeries, or pixies, or something else?"

What kind of question was that?

"They're probably faeries," Teemo decided.

"But don't faeries normally have, like, butterfly-type wings?" Fred pointed out. "These guys' wings are like birds."

Okay. I lied. Things could definitely get much weirder. I glanced over at Fang and mouthed, "These guys are crazy." He nodded, rolling his eyes a little.

"Umm…we aren't…whatever you guys are talking about," I said. "We're just humans."

"Then where'd you get your wings?" Mr. Fire asked, puzzled. His eyes suddenly gleamed. "Did you guys finally evolve into something cool?"

We were _not_ Pokemon!

"Geez, where have you guys been?" I said. "Under a rock?" I almost expected one of them to say yes.

"Oh…uh…no," Teemo said carefully. "We've been somewhere…pretty remote."

I rolled my eyes. "Like under a rock?"

"Why would anyone want to live under a rock?" Arin wondered. Mr. Purple shrugged.

"No," Teemo answered me.

"We're the human-avian mutants who have saved the world about a hundred times over from about fifty different groups of evil people," Fang answered nonchalantly like he was talking about something at the dinner table.

"Oh, that's cool." Mr. Fire grinned. Nothing seemed to give him pause.

"What are you?" Nudge interrupted. "Are you mutants too? 'Cause that was, like, sooo cool how you flew around on that fire board thing, and you hurt that dude with fire, and you can shoot purple stuff. Why is it purple? Can you choose what color it is? I would make mine pink. And why are you a chicken? Are you really from outer space? What's the 'T' in your name stand for?"

I quickly covered her mouth with my hand. "Sorry about her." Nudge continued rambling, her words unintelligible through my palm.

"That's fine." Teemo grinned. "I do that to sometimes. Actually, I do that a lot. Sometimes 'cause I know it annoys people. Mainly Darrel. Anywho, me 'n Arin are elves 'cause we're boss like that. Fred's what's called a Monstro. They're these super awesome humans with super awesome magical powers. He's from outer space. So is Darrel."

I looked at him skeptically; he was officially crazy in my book.

"If you guys are elves," Iggy asked innocently. "Then shouldn't you be, like, super short and off making toys in the North Pole or something?"

Teemo and Arin stiffened, eyes narrowing, fists clenching. I thought I saw smoke curl off Mr. Fire's palms. "Stupid human stereotypes!" he yelled. "Ruining the good name of elves everywhere with their cheerful singing and making of toys! And they don't even revolt against their forced bondage!" …I honestly had never thought of it that way. "Those stupid humans don't know what the hell they're talking about!" He finally paused to take a breath.

Arin tried to cut him off before he could start again, though I could tell she was angry too. Note to self, never mention Santa Elves again. "Teemo–"

"Who even came up with that stupid idea?!" he continued. "I shall find them! And when I do, I shall make them pay (in chocolate)!"

"TEEMO!" Arin bellowed.

He broke off midsentence, startled. "What?"

"Shut up."

"Right. Sorry."

Fang glanced around, scratching the back of his head. "Hey, where'd that chicken dude go?"

The "elves" glanced around. Mr. Fire facepalmed. "Son of a bitch. This isn't good."

"Why?" Gazzy asked. He picked something out of his nose. I smacked his hand away before he could put it in his mouth.

"Besides the fact that he's trying to take over the world? He's kind of mentally unstable."

"How can you be kind of mentally unstable?" Iggy wondered. "Either you are or you aren't. Doesn't seem like there's anything in between."

He was ignored. "That's not good," Gazzy decided.

"I know right?" Teemo agreed. "Anywho, we'd better go find him, so bye!" He and his friends spun around without warning and raced into the woods, disappearing in a second.

"They were funny," Nudge said. "Do you think we'll see them again?"

"With our luck?" I answered. "Count on it."

I realized Angel hadn't said anything for the entire meeting with the strangers. I could feel her hot little glare on the back of my head. Slowly, I turned to face her. Her lips were pulled down in a pout, and her arms were folded across the chest of her white dress. "What?" I asked.

"I don't appreciate you undermining my authority," she said. Where did she even learn the word 'undermining'?

"Angel, sweetie, you're not the leader." I only put a little bit of venom into my words. But it was hidden by the forced sugary sweetness. Or maybe that only accented it.

Total came trotting out of the house. The dog jumped into Angel's waiting arms and happily licked her cheek. "So, what'd I miss while I was napping?"

I shrugged. "Oh, just some people who thought they were elves and a mentally unstable chicken from outer space." That wasn't a sentence you heard every day…

"So, nothing much?"

"Basically."

"I'm hungry!" Nudge announced.

I grinned; like clockwork. "Then let's go find some chow, shall we?"

Everyone cheered. Well, everyone except for Fang of course because Fang didn't cheer.

**Teemo: Boo-yah, baby! I was in a fanfiction! My life is complete!**

**Arin: It's not really that big of a deal, Teemo.**

**Teemo: ****L Yes, it is. Don't burst my bubble.**

**Arin: …Sorry?**

**Fred: How come Teemo gets to be something to cool like Mr. Fire? Why am I just Mr. Purple?**

**Arin: Hey, I don't even get a nickname.**

**Enia: Um…I apologize most sincerely.**

**Arin: That's what you say when you're being sarcastic. ****L**

**Darrel: I will kill you all.**

**Enia: Good luck with that.**

**Samik: Please leave a review!**


	3. Stop Undermining My Authority!

**Teemo: Hey Enia.**

**Enia: Hey, what's up?**

**Teemo: Nothing, I just blew up the kitchen so Arin's mad at me so I had to flee the premises.**

**Enia: Oh, sorry about that.**

**Arin: Teemo! Get back here and clean this up!**

**Teemo: Uh oh, gotta go. *disappears***

**Arin: *appears* Enia, have you seen Teemo?**

**Enia: Um...**

**Teemo: No she hasn't!**

**Arin: Teemo! *disappears***

**Samik: What was that all about?**

**Enia: Teemo blew up the kitchen again.**

**Samik: Ah.**

**Enia: I'm in science class right now, we're learning about germs.**

**Samik: I know, I'm sitting right behind you.**

**Enia: Oh, hi.**

**Teemo: *appears screaming* AAA! Save me! She's going to kill me!**

**Samik: Arin doesn't normally react like this.**

**Enia: I know, maybe Teemo did something else to set her off.**

**Arin: *appears wielding water-whip* Teemo! Get over here! Stop running!**

**Teemo: Enia! Save me!**

**Enia: Uh...**

**Samik: Why's she attacking you, Teemo?**

**Teemo: I donno, all I did was blow up the kitchen for the third time this week.**

**Enia: *sighs and moves to intercept Arin* Arin, what did Teemo do this time?**

**Arin: This is the third time this week he blew up my kitchen! Each time he never helped me clean up, he just ran off cackling!**

**Enia: *sighs (again) and turns to Teemo* Teemo, apologize and go clean up.**

**Teemo: Why is my _daughter _telling me what to do?**

**Enia: Oh just do it.**

**Teemo: *disappears grumbling***

**Arin: Thanks Enia. *rubs hands toghether gleefully* Ha ha ha, now I can work him like a slave! Ha ha ha! *disappears cackling***

**Samik: Uh...**

**Enia: Uh is right.**

**Onyx (Enia's other best friend): Enia, stop with the super long Author's Notes.**

**Enia: But they're fun!**

**Onyx: Too bad. *whacks***

**Enia: Ow! What was that for?!**

**Onyx: Just get on with the story.**

**Enia: *grumbles angrily to self* Fine.**

**2013 Enia: This was the original Author's Note. I kept it in 'cause it amuses me. I will warn you now; I am the queen of long Author's Notes. And typos, but that's one title I'm trying real hard to loose.**

Stop Undermining My Authority!

Fang's POV

We wandered back into the house in a daze after the weird episode with the so-called elves and the giant chicken. Iggy automatically walked over to the stove and turned on a burner to start making lunch. "How does macaroni and cheese sound to everyone?"

We all said it sounded just fine, thanks Iggy.

The room fell into an awkward silence, broken only by the sound of water slowly bubbling away in the pot. Angel and Max glared at each other from across the table, Gazzy busied himself building some sort of bomb thing, and Nudge mumbled to herself, flipping through a random magazine. I backed away from the rest of the flock to practice my disappearing technique against the wall; I sensed an argument coming on.

"Max," Angel said in a cold voice," you need to stop undermining my authority."

Hey, I was right!

"What the hell are you talking about, Angel!" Max snapped. "You've got no authority! How many times do I have to tell you that you are _not_ leader? So you mind-controlled me into agreeing with you for _one_ second. That doesn't mean _anything_! The whole mind-control thing automatically makes your claim illegitimate!"

"Yes, it does," Angel retorted stubbornly. She planted her hands on her hips.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

Not again. "Guys!" I yelled. "Shut up!"

Everyone stared at me. At the stove, Iggy chuckled a little. "Ooo dang, Fang. I didn't know you were capable of such a dramatic outburst."

"Shut up," I snapped at him.

**Enia: Soooo apparently (and there actually was an Author's Note placed here, this isn't just me interrupting the story), when I wrote this chapter I was very, very hyper. You have been warned.**

"Augh! The stove is on fire!" Iggy yelled suddenly, making everyone jump. What?

"What the heck did you do?!" Max yelled. I was kind of surprised she managed to not cuss violently at him. The flames leapt up and down the walls and started spreading quickly across the ceiling and floor. Okay, maybe the all wood house had been a bad idea when living with pyromaniacs.

"It doesn't matter!" I interrupted. "We have to get out of here!"

"No!" Angel contradicted. I almost thought for a moment that she'd said it just to argue with me. "We have to put the flames out."

"We'll all be burnt to a crisp! Come on!" Max yelled. She lunged forward and grabbed Angel's arm, and started tugging her towards the door. Angel tried to resist, but Max was stronger and very angry. I grabbed Iggy and Gazzy and started hustling them out of the house with Nudge right behind me. The boys leaned back over my arm to stare at the flickering orange and red flames, mesmerized.

We stood in the slightly swaying grass, watching our beautiful house burn, the flames leaping higher and higher towards the bright blue sky. I glared up at the fluffy clouds; I was sure they were mocking us with their happy color. In no time, the house was almost completely enveloped in flame. I thought the entire thing was going to go up and leave us with nothing more than a charred patch of grass. A sudden shout cut the air behind us. "Bending powers…go!" The Flock spun around to see the three weirdos from the odd scene earlier today. They were racing across the field, stupid grins on their faces. "Arin!" the one called Teemo yelled. "Water magical-i-ness...go!"

"Right!" The red-haired girl ran at the building, moving her hands up over her hand and down in front of her. Water leapt out of the small pond beside our house on its own accord and splashed down on the flames. With a hiss, the roof extinguished itself, leaving behind fine trails of smoke.

But it was too soon to relax. The fire was spreading across the dry grass as Teemo sprinted forward and leapt over the Flock in an impressive bound. He did a single somersault (show off) and landed almost lightly, his fist punching the earth. A large crack appeared. I had to work to keep my mouth from dropping. He jumped back and stomped down, splaying his hands out to his sides. The rocky soil split and a deep trench formed around our house. The Flock stared. Not possible. Arin splashed more water across the burning building, extinguishing more flames.

The only thing left burning was the left wall. The flames were slowly oozing past the trench. A flat piece of earth jumped up from the ground and slammed down on the fire, quickly putting it out. The low boom made several of us jump. At the same time, the water of our pond drenched the last of the hungry flames. But it hadn't been enough; our house was still a smoking, charred skeleton.

"Yeah!" Teemo cried, pumping his arms and jumping in the air like a child. "That was awesome! Score one for super awesome bending power! No points for nature!"

"Wow, maybe you guys really are fr-" Max stopped herself before she actually said the word. "-elves." She looked sadly at our no-longer-a-house. Her computer had been in there.

"Yup, we really are!" The guy totally didn't notice that she'd almost insulted him.

"Did you find the chicken?" Gazzy asked excitedly.

Teemo's face fell. "Uh…no. He tossed an explosive at us and got away in the confusion."

Gazzy's eyes sparked in a way that scared me. "What kind of explosive was it?"

"I donno, an explosive-y type?" He shrugged.

I saw Max shoot a glance at Angel. "Do you want our help finding him?" she asked.

"Sure!" Teemo answered, but he paused suddenly, considered. "Well, as long as it doesn't involve the government. If the Super-Awesome-All-Powerful-Government finds out that we lost track of Darrel…"

"Let's just say that would be very bad," Fred finished, nodding solemnly.

"What's the Super-Awesome-All-Powerful-Government?" I asked skeptically. If that was what the government liked to called themselves when no one was listening, well, they were even stupider than I'd thought.

"They're the actual world power," Arin explained. "The human government has no real power at all. They're just a puppet. The Super-Awesome-All-Powerful-Government or "secret" government for short makes all the decisions. They also enforce the magical laws so that humans don't freak out and try to kill us all."

"Why would they be mad if they found out you lost Darrel?" Max asked.

Teemo snorted with 'that was the dumbest question I have ever heard' laughter. I glared at him. "Are you kidding? Darrel's an insane, ultra-dangerous, mentally unstable man – chicken – who wants to take over the world! So if we leave him alone…" He really needed to work on finishing his sentences.

"World goes boom?" Gazzy guessed.

"Yeah," he agreed. "World goes boom."

"Don't 'insane' and mentally unstable' mean the same thing?" I asked.

Teemo hesitated, a puzzled look coming over his face. "Erm, possibly. I was…I was reiterating my point!"

I gave a derisive snort of laughter. Teemo stuck his tongue out at me. Okay, can I say childish much?

Max jumped in before things could dissolve into a fist fight. "So we've got to catch him."

"Yup," Arin said. "And that's a lot harder than it sounds."

**Enia: You guys have no idea how hard it is to type Super-Awesome-All-Powerful-Government over and over again. You're lucky I love you all so much. I think I wrote the majority of this story during my Global Studies class. Yay not paying attention!**

**R&R?**


	4. Going on a Chicken Hunt

**Enia: I honestly have no idea why the hell I started this chapter off with poetry. I think I was reading something and there was poetry in it and I was all 'hey! That's a good idea!' Don't judge me!**

Going on a Chicken Hunt

Max's POV

Trompity, trompity, tromp.  
Even though those totally aren't real words.  
We're tromping through the forest.  
There's a lot of frigging green  
Almost too much, in fact,  
And it's starting to piss me off.

Dear lord, I sucked at poetry. And besides, why the hell was I thinking in poetry in the first place? Those weirdoes were infecting me with their crazy or something. "Why can't we fly?" I complained, wishing I could rub my aching feet.

Teemo froze abruptly and facepalmed hard enough to leave a red mark behind. "You know…that's a really good idea. We'll have a better view from above." He looked over at Arin and Fred. "We really need to learn to think of these things."

They nodded.

Praise the Great Cheese in the Sky. Walking took so gosh-dern looooooong. I unfurled my wings and jumped up, weaving my way through the tight tangle of tree branches. Happiness filled me when I broke through the leaves and felt the soft warmth of the sun on my face. Only then did I finally think to wonder how the three strangers were going to fly, totally forgetting the powers we'd already see them use.

Teemo exploded from the trees a second after me on his flickering board of fire. Arin was close behind him, looking like she was hovering on thin air. Then there was Fred, looking green as he clutched a floating ball of purple…stuff. He was going to throw up, I just knew it.

"I really can't fly," he groaned, urping.

Teemo laughed happily at his friend's discomfort. "Yeah, you really can't."

Fred glared at him, the effect ruined by his pale face. "Shut up. I was talking to myself."

_Ding ding ding! Warning! Warning! The Fourth Wall is broken! Repeat: the Fourth Wall is broken!_

_(A not so long ago in a galaxy far far away…or something like that…)_

_"Hey, Enia!" the authoress's best friend, Samik, yells suddenly, causing a rift in time and space and breaking the biggest rule in the Writer's Handbook; the breaking of the Fourth Wall._

_"Uh…what?" Enia asks, already plotting how she'll kill him for breaking the Fourth Wall even though she's just making it worse by not ignoring him and going back to the story._

_"Why aren't you in the story?" His eyes glint mischievously._

_"Uh…because I'm the author and I'd rather not get cited or flamed for breaking the Fourth Wall?"_

_Samik snorts derisively. "So what?"_

_Enia glares at him suspiciously, suspecting that he has something nefarious cooked up. "Because stories don't work that way?"_

_"Psh." Samik rolls his eyes. "You're no fun. Come on!" He leaps forward and grabs her hand before he can dodge, waving his hand at the crack in the Fourth Wall (which looks suspiciously like the Crack in Time from Doctor Who). He tugs Enia forward._

_"What?!" she screams, trying to pull away. But it's too late. She's pulled through. "AAAAAAA!"_

"AAAAAAA!"

The sudden shout – more of a scream really – came from the cloudless sky. Everyone tensed and looked up, ready for a fight. Well, except for Iggy. He looked off to the right. Two flailing figures were falling towards us, one male and the other female. The guy was laughing happily while the girl screamed bloody murder at him. He reached out and grabbed her hand, righting them both so their fall was more controlled. She pulled her arm away, glaring, and at the same moment a fire board erupted beneath her feet. She tipped it upward, and her descent slowed quickly. The male swirled his arms and stopped next to her.

Teemo laughed merrily and waved at the strangers. "Enia!"

"Who?" I asked, wanting to know what the hell was going on. They had appeared out of thin air. People didn't just do that.

"My daughter."

My face went blank. Okay, it's official. They're crazy. Teemo looked like he was in his early twenties, and the girl was, like, sixteen. No way. _What?_

"Uh…right…" I said slowly. Maybe, she was, like, adopted or something. Teemo didn't bother to explain further.

"You idiot!" the girl yelled, pummeling her companion. I could barely hear her. "Why the hell did you do that? Do you know how much trouble we'll get in?"

The first few words of his response were lost in the wind, but I made out, "…be fun."

Teemo shot up to talk to them, grinning like a fool. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Enia was gesturing angrily at the guy while Teemo laughed hysterically. I was sure she was going to kill them both. But all she did was glare at them. I caught a couple snippets of what she was saying. "Idiot…fourth wall…here…kill…"

Teemo pointed towards us, motioning for us to wave. Arin and Fred did so eagerly and enthusiastically, almost falling out of the sky, but the Flock stayed still, wary. The girl looked down at us, paled considerably, and shook her head, stomping her foot on the fire board. Laughing, her friend pushed her towards us. When she resisted, Teemo and the other one grabbed her arms and unceremoniously dragged her through the air.

Soon – as in ten minutes of pulling, dragging, and cursing on the girl's part – the threesome rejoined the rest of us. The girl glanced around furtively, probably plotting her escape.

Since no one spoke, I decided to take the initiative. "Uh…who are you?"

"I'm Enia," she said reluctantly, tugging at the hem of her tank top. She was tall and thin, constantly moving in some way, with short, messy brown hair, green eyes, and freckles. Her ears were pointed like Teemo and Arin's. She had the weirdest pair of brightly striped shorts on. Her friend was a little taller than she was. His hair was a shade or two darker than hers and messier – if that was possible. His eyes matched the color of his hair perfectly and they glinted with amusement.

"She's the author," he piped up proudly, grinning.

She punched him in the arm hard enough that he winced. "Shut up, Samik."

Hit the brakes! _The_ author? What did he mean by that? "What?"

"Yes, the author," Samik explained happily, ignoring the daggers she was glaring at him. "Of this story."

I hadn't thought it possible, but I'd actually found someone crazier than Teemo. I looked at Enia and cocked an eyebrow. She winced. "Uh, yeah. He's right. I…created this story. I'm also the author of the story Darrel is from. _Samik_," she shot him a furious look, "decided it would be fun to be in the story. Except that we're breaking _all_ the laws of writing-y-ness by being here and are going to get freaking _killed_!"

Samik just kept grinning that slightly evil and mischievous grin of his. Teemo slapped him five.

"Wait, if you're the author…does that mean you know our innermost thoughts?" Gazzy asked curiously. I gulped nervously and shot Fang a look. He met my eyes, unsure.

"No, I make your innermost thoughts."

Because that totally didn't sound creepy.

"So, you're making me say this?" Gazzy pestered.

"Yep."

"And this?"

"Yes."

"And this?"

"Yes, and before you ask, anything else you say."

Gazzy finally looked freaked. The younger members of the Flock subtly away from the newcomers.

"Then who's making you talk?" Iggy asked.

She hesitated, thinking. "Uh, I am."

"Then how are you writing this?" I wondered. "You're standing right in front of me and I don't see you on a computer of anything."

She shrugged. "I think what you're seeing is, like, my spirit or something, and my actual body is back home writing everything that's going on."

"Then why can I touch you?" I poked her in the arm slightly harder than was necessary.

"Maybe 'cause you're a spirit too."

Before I could respond and turn this into a great big philosophical debate, Iggy shoved himself between us, eyes squinted in frustration. "Stop it! This is making my brain hurt!"

Enia shrugged sheepishly and rubbed at her short, messy brown hair with one hand. "Heh, sorry."

"Hey, do you know where Darrel is?" Teemo asked Enia suddenly. "'Cause, you know, we're supposed to find him before the secret government figures out we lost track of him."

She scrunched up her face in thought. "Uh…I think he's in a cave somewhere. I haven't really decided yet. But yeah, probably in the mountains somewhere."

"Wow, you being here could actually be useful," I said with only a little bit of sarcasm in my voice. "Even though it will probably just give me a headache."

"Gee, thanks," she said sarcastically.

Samik smiled knowingly and nudged her in the ribs. "See, I told you this was a good idea."

"What!" she yelped. "No, you didn't! You just thought it would be fun!"

"Well, I was thinking it was a good idea."

"Yeah, right," she scoffed.

"Alright!" Teemo yelled with excitement at the chase, artfully interrupting the budding argument. "Let's go!" He turned to me, something glowing in his eyes. "Are there any mountains in these caves?"

We all stared at him. "…Don't you mean caves in these mountains?" Fred asked slowly, one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Teemo answered. "What he said."

I nodded. "Yeah, there's a couple not too far from here." I angled myself to the east and set off, my wings beating powerfully. The sun was beginning to drop below the horizon , sending orange rays flooding across the sky.

"Are we going to stop soon?" Gazzy complained. He rubbed his eyes and yawned loudly, his mouth a dark O.

"In a couple of hours," Enia answered.

I immediately bristled. "Hey, I make the decisions!"

"No, I do," Angel disagreed instantly. I turned to bite her head off.

"Well, I make you make the decisions," Enia said. Okay, now that was an interesting sentence. "Oh, and Angel? Max is the leader."

Angel pouted in stony silence for the rest of the flight.

* * *

Two hours later, we finally touched down in a small clearing in the middle of the forest. All the younger ones instantly crashed, Iggy barely managing to climb a tree before he joined them. Teemo and Arin went off to talk in a corner, although I had no idea how a _circular_ clearing could have a corner, but I decided not to question it, and Enia and Samik were staring fiercely at each other. It was a little creepy, actually, as if they were having an entire silent conversation.

I pulled Fang over to a secluded part of the clearing, deep in the shadows thrown by the trees. Woah, that could be taken creepily. "What do you think?" I asked him. "Can we trust her? She seems a little…crazy."

"Most authors are," Fang replied, shrugging. "It's, like, part of their genetic make-up or something."

"So you really think she's the author of our…story?" The word felt wrong coming out of my mouth. I was a real person, right? Not just the product of someone else's brain?

"You are a real person!" Enia yelled from across the clearing. Okay, her reading my thoughts or whatever it was she was doing was going to get really annoying really fast. "And you're not actually a product of my pen; James Patterson wrote your original story!" She paused. "Although, how much of the actual writing he did is questionable."

I decided not to answer her.

Fang put his hand on my shoulder in that somehow reassuring way he had. "I don't know what she is, but she could be useful to have along."

I shrugged, unsure. "Yeah, maybe."

Enia's POV

I glared angrily at Samik, my arms folded across my chest, eyes narrowed. He might have been my – ugh I hated the word – soulmate or whatever, but he still pissed me off most of the time we were together. _Why the hell did you do that?_ I hissed in my head. Samik and I were telepathically linked; another benefit of the whole 'soulmate' thing. _You're such a freaking idiot!_

He grinned, both with his face and his thoughts_. But this is fun. And different_.

_We're breaking ever single freaking law possible in the world of writing!_

He grinned again. _So_?

_So? We could get in major trouble!_

_With who? You always say you'll write what you like, and screw the people who don't like it._

_Yeah…well…there are some things you just don't do!_

_Wuss_, he teased.

I smacked him. Just, go away. I folded my arms and stuck my nose in the air. Samik snickered. We had such a healthy relationship.

**Enia: Yay! end of chapter... uh, what chapter is this?**

**Samik: I think it's chapter four.**

**Enia: Okay, sweet.**

**Teemo: Are you going to be in the next chapter?**

**Samik: Yes.**

**Teemo: Yay!**

**Darrel: Why wasn't I in that chapter?**

**Enia: 'Cause.**

**Darrel: 'Cause why?**

**Enia: 'Cause I'm the author and I said so.**

**Darrel: I will kill you all.**

**Enia: You already said that, I think we get the point.**

**R&R?**


End file.
